Homosexuality

It is true that the child must be taught bigotry.  While neither of my parents ever said to me, “You must hate gay people.” Their own attitudes about it echoed the sentiment quite clearly.  This led me to my own set of wrongheaded beliefs and attitudes.  Those attitudes didn’t really take shape until I was out of high school.  When I think about any time prior to graduation, I can’t really recall having any hate towards that part of society.  Really, in the late 80’s the stigma was still strong enough to keep people in the closet about their sexual preferences, especially kids.

I used the bible to justify my hate, as so many do today.  I thought I was right to do so and nobody could tell me differently.   My big mouth and bad attitude caused me to loose a friend or two over those early years.  I did manage to tame myself about it over the next 15 years or so but I held onto that belief that homosexuality was wrong all the way until about 2006.

In late 2006 I had a massive revelation about religion and god.  I realized that it was all bullshit and that my true love of all things science was where the truth was to be told.  I turned to Deism and found myself participating in a message group on Myspace.  The topic of homosexuality was the first one that I participated in.  I thought I had all the answers, based on nature – it was un-natural to be homosexual, therefore homosexuality is wrong.  Case closed.  The problem was, I couldn’t stop thinking about my reaction.  I couldn’t stop thinking about all that hate I had felt all those years.  My rational and logical mind was relentless about this part of me.  I had a need to destroy that hate.  This was completely unexpected.  The more I listened to the rational voice inside my head, the more I realized that I was so so so wrong for feeling the way I did and that I needed to do something about it.

I went back to the group on Myspace and explained myself to everyone and told them all how wrong I was, how wrong I had been for so long and that I was sorry for harboring such vile thoughts.  The fundamental ideology that began to dominate my entire being was that we are exactly who we are, there is no right or wrong way to be yourself.  I really began to see just how terrible the power of religious conviction is.

I am no longer an deist but now consider myself an atheist.

While I may not be homosexual, as an atheist I can certainly relate to the self-righteous bigotry and contempt that they receive from the world at large, mostly from those who are religious.  I thank deism and atheism for freeing me from that world full of hate.

I offer sincere apology to those who I have hurt directly or indirectly as a result of my hate.  I thank my friends for forgiving me for my acts of stupidity.  I also offer my sincerest consolation to those that still have to deal with such brainless bigotry.  A day will come when society will have grown up enough to accept that we are who we are.

(disclaimer: i never directly hurt anyone physically because of my hatreds, it was all purely attitude and exclusion)

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~ by aeroslin on August 22, 2009.

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