Being the Safe Girl

Being the Safe Girl, from the perspective of the Safe Guy.


I Googled the term, ‘safe girl’ tonight and found that there wasn’t a single topic that jumped out there that fell into the same category as the term, ‘safe guy’.  Why?  Are woman considered above being called this or is this a strong indication of the (obvious) differences between the way a man thinks verses a woman?

Let me put this out there for clarification: I was raised primarily by my mom and my two younger sisters to be and think from a more feminine perspective.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a man, I have man-urges.  I still think in many regards in the same way that a man does but I have a strong respect and even a bit of fear of woman because of this unique upbringing.

Not-so-funny story is that when my dad felt it time to talk to me about manly things, the things he said were shockingly offensive to me.  They didn’t fit into my mind-set at all and it did more damage to my personal view of him than to educate me about how men act.

Then, as a grew older, my friends started acting in the same manor and it never made sense to me.  The one night stands, the slapping the girls on the ass, the touchy-feely, it just made me uneasy.  Sure, they were getting laid but they crossed lines I simply would not cross. 

This had an unfortunate effect of branding me as gay.  At the time I took serious offense to it because I most definitely wasn’t.  I knew that to my core.  Part of the reason why I took such offense to those comments from them was that I was in such a conflict inside my own mind between wanting sex, my manly urge, and wanting respect and consideration for who I was, my girly upbringing.  I felt that it was more important to have integrity than to sell out for sex.

Since then, I’ve had only a handful of relationships that led to sex.  I’m 40 now, so that’s a lot of fucking time spent not having sex.  I’ve gone through those crushing moments where you got labeled as the, ‘safe guy’ or in other words, ‘just a friend.’  Those moments hurt.  They hurt to the point where I’ve opted to just not work on getting into a relationship but to be content with just being – present.

This change of strategy has come about in the last 2 years that I’ve been going out to the bars and meeting people.  I don’t have any expectations because in having them, you set yourself up to being let down.  This is safe for me.  This is where the, ‘safe girl’ comes in.  I’ve made many friends with very beautiful woman.  These are my safe woman.  Yes, I admire their beauty, duh, I’m a guy, they’re super hot, but I also respect them as friends.  I have no expectations.  There’s no innuendo, no reading between the lines.  I feel safe.

So guys, the next time you’re labeled as the, ‘safe guy’ before you take offense to it, check to make sure you’re not looking for the, ‘safe girl.’


~ by aeroslin on May 4, 2012.

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