Now that I’m off the meds my thoughts swirl around in my head like a turd in the toilet. I get fixated on the feelings of disappointment I’ve had in myself and in others. I judge myself harshly, far worse than I should, I know. I’m waiting for my brain chemicals to finally settle down to a normal level. My norepinephrine levels have leveled out because I find that I can sleep again. The serotonin levels on the other hand are still fluctuating wildly. The intensity of emotions are pretty strong. I’m giving it to the end of January before I start to consider that the levels have all settled down.
In the meantime I need to put a stopper on this rage, or at the very least convert it to something else. To this end I’m considering going guitar shopping. It’s been a long time since I’ve picked anything but the reason why I don’t play the acoustic I have already is because it’s just flawed. Always has been. I got it because it was cheap and worked. Now I need one that fits me. I think I’ll go check out Guitar Center on Saturday.